April 1 - 15, 2005 - Phoenix, AZ
Here are the comments I received from the SPOTS web site, folks
from all over the US, Canada, New Zealand and Europe.
How the hell am I supposed to earn my nick - STAGGER - if I can
only go to the Porto potty 2 times a day !!!!!!!
Do you have any idea how much ALCOHOL I have to consume to keep
up my reputation as a sloppy late night drunk.
Do you have any idea how many times I have to hit the Porto
potties, or fall into them, or lay in them, or sleep in them in
order to keep up my good NAME !!!
How could you do this to us!!! I mean, as chairman of SPOTS you
take a lot of shit from other people, I'm sure. But this
You know what this is going to lead to don't you !!!!!
1) People going to the toilet together. Disgusting!!! And with
the Pee Funnel camp doing it's thing those Porto's are going to
turn into one big wee-fest with a never ending stream (pun
intended) of people going in an out without closing the doors...
2) Doors.. hell.. they will just be ripped off. The independent
people of BRC will just sit down in their new OPEN AIR Porto's
and have lovely conversations with their neighbors and various
passing voyeurs while they do there business. One thing for
sure.. no more worries about running out of toilet paper... in
the 'do-ocracy" of Burning Man I'm sure people will be glad to
hand rolls back and forth between
Porto's with no doors on them.
3) Your KEY CARD system will never work. Nothing works for long
out there. What happens on the morning when 30,000 people
wake up and NONE of the Porto doors open. Imagine the chaos as
people run from door to door, swiping their impotent cards in
non-responsive slots until suddenly the explode in an
uncontrollable orgasm of urine and fecal matter ALL OVER THE
PLAYA. I would not want to be a member of DPW then I can tell
4) And $500 deposit on the key card. Who do you think you are
kidding? This is an obvious ploy to earn money from the large
portion of the Burning Man population who rarely have clothes..
and hence.. no pockets in with to keep their card keys. You will
KILL Nudism at Burning Man... and if you manage that, then I
don't see the point of me going.. or taking my glasses along
with me anyway.
5) We've all had the experience of wading across the open playa
in the night and stepping into a spot that is a bit darker then
the surrounding playa, and rapid drying. With your crazy pan the
number of these will increase dramatically... and the color of
some will also darken dramatically, and stepping into them will
become much more annoying. It's will be a health hazard, mark my
6) People will be forced to find "alternative" methods of taking
care of their natural bodily functions. You can expect Camp
Fecal Fun to grow dramatically.... donations there will outstrip
water donations at
the Human Carcass Wash 10 fold.
I hope you will reconsider this crazy plan and let the people of
Burning Man Pee and Poo with the reckless abandon they have
known in years past.
I'll cut this letter short now because I respect your
intelligence, and I really have to pee now...
So...Do I earn the distinction of being first to "respond" to the
SPOTS announcement? Had me fooled for a few minutes I'll tell
you... Then I read YOUR name as the CFO - Chief Fecal Officer? -
of the company...
...fine news, fairly covered, freely expressed, foolishly read!
A recent search for
Daddy using MSN Search, and wanted to share the results with
Hi! I have some questions, but first I will admit I
haven't made it out to BM yet, so my questions are not based on
actual experience. Also, the content below is about bodily
functions, so I apologize for any squick feelings you might get,
I'm just trying to communicate clearly here.
1. will the key cards have a hole in them to facilitate hanging
on a cord around the neck? I hear that lots of folks out there
don't have pockets much of the time. Or clothes at all. :)
2. you are only allowed to use the key card twice in one day,
period? Yet you are encouraged to drink gallons of water and
piss clear - so there seems to be an inequity here, and I *know*
BM discourages digging a hole and squatting, so where are folks
supposed to pee the other 8 times of the day? I don't
understand. I will mention that its a large percentage harder
for women, because we have to have paper to wipe with Every
Time, men's plumbing is just built differently. (Although, many
men seem to be enthusiastic about the plumbing setup on a woman.
3. women who are menstruating have special needs, those
absorbent things need to be changed out frequently or it can
cause Toxic Shock Syndrome, a real health hazard that can be
fatal. Are you sure that twice a day is adequate for your users?
It might lead to more women digging them out and changing them
In Full View of the BM populace, rather than just leaving them
in and letting them drip on the playa. Walking around a hot
dusty desert environ with red sticky thighs are not pleasant for
the woman, though, in case you weren't personally aware (I don't
know what gender you are for certain) and red-stained thighs on
women wandering BM might be a turnoff for many of the other BM
attendees as well.
Great Joke! - I've received several irate emails on my
local burn list since this morning!
Did you guys read what is said about the porto potties???
everyone gets a key card to go potty??? ok....I had no problem
with that....I'm not doing anything wrong in there....but as you
read on it says that we can only access the potties 2x a
day?!?!?!?! what the hell?!?! I don't know about you guys but
with all the water I drink out there I go 2x just before noon
alone!!!! maybe I'm reading it wrong....hopefully i am! check it
out and help me out! :o)
dude, it's April 1.
Please disregard my last post.....after reading
everything, after complaining to my boyfriend, i remembered the
much hugz and lots of laughs
Well, damn! I guess I should go back and really read it!
I just looked at it and then got back to work....2x a day is no
good! I agree with Ya there!
AWESOME gag Scotto!!!!!!!!! I know many that fell for it
and totally freaked out!!!
BAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - Not just a good
one, GREAT ONE.
I think those who need to relieve themselves more than 2X
a day should get in the habit of carrying a piss bottle along
with them and save the trips only when you need to do a dump.
Maybe need to carry a pewk (sp?)bag with you as well. I
wonder how this will go over with the general population.
Good one, Scotto. :-) Hope you had a great Fools Day.
Holy crap, you guys can't really be that big of suckers.
-And did you know that BMORG is coining it's own money this year
for use at Official BRC shops. You can get all kinds of cool
stuff like watches with the man's arm as the arms of the clock,
and pewter "Man" statuettes. Plus, DPW (the goths of Burning
Man) are having a flower show to raise money for their fleet of
Congratulations Scotto! Had many worried posts coming
from many different lists! Congratulations on changing the face
of porta-potties forever!
Best wishes from San Francisco
At first I freaked out...only get to use Porta Potties
twice a day??...but then I looked at today's date...phew!
Ok, did anybody else go check this out? Upon reading the
full story, it says that we will only be able to use a potty
TWICE A DAY... I'm a little concerned... what if I get the runs
or something? Hopefully there will be a way to make a case for
extenuating circumstances...well done scottobobscotto, well done indeed